The Rosa Chronicles: The Ups, the Downs, and the Wardrobe Changes

A month. It seems like only yesterday that I stared my leave of absence from work to focus on my mental and physical health and to sort out my plans for my future. But a month has already gone by, way too fast. Things did not necessarily work out the way I had envisioned them, but they worked out all right. When planning for my leave, I had envisioned waking up in the mornings, running in the park in the mornings, spend time at home cleaning, reorganizing things around the house, having dinner ready for my family when they got home, and spending time at the park reading the many books that called for my attention. It was idyllic; I should have known better. The three of us on our respective grammar school graduations. I was conscious of my daughters' upcoming graduations (Amanda graduated from 12th grade and Ileana from 8th grade), but I was not conscious that it was going to take such a big amount of time and energy. So while I did get to do some of the things I had envisio...

This week, on Monday, I started my leave from CALOR, the organization I founded, after 21 years of uninterrupted services. After consulting with my husband, who has always been supportive, and my doctor, we determined that I needed a break to focus on my health and my family, and to decide what to do in the future. I have been feeling burned out. Overwhelmed with shifts in funding and other changes that I could not control, but that nevertheless affected me. I have been feeling torn between being able to provide direct services and being buried in paperwork, that, while important, it can be cumbersome. At the end of the day, I was feeling drained, but not the kind of drain you feel when you accomplish something good. It was a feeling of having been doing a lot and still not having done much. I have always taken pride of having an organized desk, and suddenly my desk was covered with papers and files and reports...I felt defeated. I was losing patience with simple things like emails; ...

Yes. That is exactly how long it took me to finish Week 1of the 12 week shape up challenge.  I started, very excitedly, and then daily living came into play and of course I got side-tracked. But I came back and was able finish it, so I am focusing on that, on the fact that I finished it, instead of focusing on the two weeks it took to finish week one. Focusing on the good, on my accomplishments is something that does not come easy to me. I generally focus on what I have not done, what still needs to be done, and in the process I miss opportunities to celebrate great things. At work, for example, I am very efficient with my time. I am generally able to finish various tasks without much problem (well, aggravations and barriers, but all of them bearable!). Anybody else would be happy and satisfied with what I get to do in a day. But me? No, I don't do that. I always think that there was something else that I could have done. I tend to think of the 5 other things that are still pendi...

I need to start with this picture, because it epitomizes the way I have been feeling lately. That heavy cloud has been following me for a long time already... Yep. Just like Eeyore, I have been feeling like a fat, gray cloud has been following me for a long time, and I don't seem to be able to shake it off. It has been two weeks since I started taking meds, and still, the therapy does not seem to be working. I spoke to my doctor yesterday; like I mentioned before, I am grateful to have a doctor that listens to me and takes my opinion in consideration. At first, she thought that the best course would be to up the dose of Paxil, but upon talking and discussing other factors that I feel have a lot to do with what I am feeling, she agreed that we should look at other options that may alleviate my condition. I won't go into details about that now because I am still working on that, but I am almost certain that this will really provide the relief that I am so craving and that ...

I did not get to write my blog last week, and this week, I have been struggling for the past hour or so to get to do it. No, it is not that I am lazy; I am just battling with a really bad bout of depression that has given me a good kick in the butt, and that is resisting every attempt I make to shake it up. It all started after my return from vacation. I could not face going back to the work routine after having had such a relaxing and wonderful vacation. But it lingered a bit longer, and things got worse. First were the headaches, then came the anxiety. After this came the lack of energy, not being able to get up in the morning, not wanting to do anything but being a total couch potato, spending hours watching TV, which by itself should have been a sign because those of you that know me personally know that I don't watch TV at all. Then I wanted to sleep all the time, but after a couple of hours of sleep, I would wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to go back to s...

I am sorry to report that as of today, I have not started the 12 week shape up challenge. I am still having lots of trouble adjusting to the daily routines. Honestly, it has been the hardest time ever; never have I had such difficulty coming from vacation and picking up where I left off. This time around, however, it has been so, so hard! I have difficulty getting up in the morning and getting ready to go to work; I have no motivation to do so. And when I come home, I am so tired that I just want to take a bath and relax; no energy or intention to workout. I think of all the reasons why I should, but nothing has made me move from my comfy couch to the gym...I figure it will come, sooner or later. Meanwhile, I have been enjoying other things, taking care of other business that are equally important. For example, Amanda, my oldest daughter, is graduating from high school in about two months. Not only that, she is also turning 18 and going to college! I can't believe it; to me, it w...

On Monday I came back from a wonderful vacation in my beautiful island of Puerto Rico. There, my husband and I spent ten days enjoying the beach, the weather, and the company of family and friends that were with us at one point or another. We spent some time with our friend Elba Vázquez at Brisas de Cidra Guest House. We went to Naguabo, a beautiful town that we had never been to, saw some of the most amazing sunsets, and had fresh and delicious seafood accompanied by mojitos. We spent some time in San Juan, visiting places we had been with the girls when we went last summer. And then we went to my hometown, Arecibo, where I visited family and friends, and spent some amazing time as well.   Throughout our stay there, we tried to incorporate exercising as much as we could. We did not obsess about it; after all, we were on vacation, and the point was to relax. But we walked quite a bit, used our bands for strength training, and even used the fitness room at one of the hotels....