The Rosa Chronicles: The Ups, the Downs, and the Wardrobe Changes

I wrote this around three years ago, when I first started taking steps to lose weight. It has been a long "eviction" process, and I continue engaged in this battle. I am reposting it as a reminder of this struggle and as motivation to continue working on my goals. "Mmmm, excuse me?" I started hesitantly. "I regret to inform you that your stay in this body has come to an end. You have to move out; your body is no longer wanted." And with that, I gave an eviction notice to the body I no longer wanted. You see, around 14 years ago a new body took a hold of my old body, and it has not let go ever since. From there on, whenever I looked in the mirror, I would not see my body, the one I used to have, but the one that has taken residency without having been invited. The "original" body. This is in 1987, when I first came from Puerto Rico. Oh, don't take me wrong! I was expecting some changes after having my two daughters. In fact, I welcomed

Vacation is over. Conference is done with. Now back to reality. Y ahí es donde la puerca entorchó el rabo (this is difficult to translate, but it means "this is where things get difficult.') It was time to get back into routines. I generally handle routines well; in fact, I welcome routines as they keeps me focused. I like knowing what is happening, when and where. Little did I know that our home routines had been seriously altered and that we had to adjust to a new reality! Amanda's and Ileana's new school schedules are crazy! It keeps them away from home during evenings, sometimes as late as 9:30 p.m. Needless to say, this threw our routines out of the window. We come home and there's nobody here. And because it is weird cooking for one or two people only, (then again, I don't like cooking much!) we have resorted to ordering out quite a bit. Yeah...unhealthy stuff, big portions...and no leftovers for next day. Right now, I am in the middle of that tangl

After that wonderful Hawaiian vacation, we came back to reality and the daily routines. We all had some adjustments to make, particularly with the jet lag, but me, with my insomnia, it took me a bit longer to get back on track. And to top it off, I only had about a week and a half to get adjusted, as I had to pack again to attend the United States Conference on AIDS (USCA) 2013, which was taking place in New Orleans, LA. I was very excited to go to USCA. It was going to be a great opportunity to network with colleagues in the HIV/AIDS field, many of whom I had met in 2012 at the  XIX International AIDS Conference , which took place in Washington, DC. Last year, I was selected by the National Latino AIDS Action Network (NLAAN) to be an Embajadora  at the conference. As an Embajadora (Ambassador), I covered various of the conference sessions and shared this information through a blog and other social media outlets, like Facebook, Instagram, and Twitter.  Some other people I had met i

I have not written in a while. In fact, it has been more than a month since the last time I wrote! But it has been a very busy month, with many activities, a lot of achievements, changes, and new plans for the upcoming months. A month without writing is a long time, so this is going to be a multi-part blog, with the first installment being posted today. Here's Part I: Hawaii - Wonderful vacation! Andrew, the girls and I went on vacation to Hawaii, and what a great experience it was! We stayed in Oahu, and spent 9 wonderful days there. We had a couple of activities scheduled, like visiting the Polynesian Cultural Center   where we took part of the Ali'i Luau, which included visits to villages of the Islands Nations of Polynesia (Tonga, Tahiti, Marquesas, Hawaii, Fiji, Aotearoa, and Samoa), Hula lessons, a canoe pageant , and of course, a delicious dinner, followed by a fantastic show, Ha - Breath of Life .  My Bear and I at the Ali'i Luau We also went snorkeling, wh

Eight months ago I made the decision to commit to my health by exercising and eating healthy. It has not been easy; I have had ups and downs, I have felt like quitting at times. I have tried different exercise routines, some that have been good, some that were not so much. I have felt discouraged because I have not seen results, or at least the results I had wanted so see. I have had to struggle against the lack of support at certain levels, and battle the constant temptations, whether it is food or falling back into old habits. But I have remained constant. And I have seen results. And I have gotten stronger. It has taken me a while, and still have a long way to go, but I love the changes in my body! Take for example, my runs in the park. When I first started, I was walking most of the way. Then I started doing running and walking intervals: running two minutes and walking one. I remember how I wanted to turn around and go back home when I first started doing this! But I k

Sometimes you seek guidance from others instead of trusting what you are already doing. This was my experience this week when I sought out help from a nutritionist in my fight against diabetes. Here's what happened. As I have mentioned in previous posts, I have been taking a nutrition course online. It has been great; I have learned a lot and as a result have been able to make some changes to my diet. Now I know the balance I must have between carbs, protein and fat, and I have been adjusting my meals to try to keep with that goal. This has meant that I have had to let go of some foods that I liked but that were not contributing anything but empty calories to my diet. I have moved away from refined grains to whole grains, I am looking at foods with a low sodium count, and I am making sure I get my recommended servings of fruits and vegetables. All in all, it has been a great course...until two weeks ago. Constant companions: fresh fruit and a scale to weight my food. The w

I knew it when I saw the name on my phone screen. "Rosa? This is Dr. Nance." Before she continued, I said "They found something." "Yes," she said. "The mammogram shows something on your right breast. You need to come in for more tests." Wait, what? Did she just said "right breast"?  "That is weird," I told Dr. Nance, trying to keep my composure, "because I found something on my left breast, but nothing on the right one." A couple of days before my scheduled annual mammogram, I was doing a self-examination and found a lump by my left armpit. I asked Andrew to check it out; since I have been working out and doing weights, I thought perhaps it was a muscle; but there was definitively something in there. I was glad my appointment was scheduled for the following Saturday. "What is next," I asked. Dr. Nance said that I had to go in for more diagnostic tests and that she was going to include both both

As much as sometimes we hate it, change is a constant in our lives. It is exactly what keeps us renewing ourselves, reinventing ourselves over and over so that we can keep up with...well other changes that are going on around us. That is what I have been going through for the past couple of months, but most focused during the past two weeks. Two weeks ago I started a Nutrition course through Coursera.org . The course, which lasts 6 weeks, covers a variety of issues as they relate to nutrition, such as heart disease, cancer, and obesity and weight management. This week, we are are working on Diabetes, which is of a lot of interest to me as a Type 2 diabetic . So, in the process of completing my weekly readings and assignments, I have learned a lot of of things about my diet (and by my diet I am talking about what I eat on a regular basis; I am not following a specific diet). For example, one of my assignments required me to track my food intake for a period of 24 hours, including w

A month. It seems like only yesterday that I stared my leave of absence from work to focus on my mental and physical health and to sort out my plans for my future. But a month has already gone by, way too fast. Things did not necessarily work out the way I had envisioned them, but they worked out all right. When planning for my leave, I had envisioned waking up in the mornings, running in the park in the mornings, spend time at home cleaning, reorganizing things around the house, having dinner ready for my family when they got home, and spending time at the park reading the many books that called for my attention. It was idyllic; I should have known better. The three of us on our respective grammar school graduations. I was conscious of my daughters' upcoming graduations (Amanda graduated from 12th grade and Ileana from 8th grade), but I was not conscious that it was going to take such a big amount of time and energy. So while I did get to do some of the things I had envisio

This week, on Monday, I started my leave from CALOR, the organization I founded, after 21 years of uninterrupted services. After consulting with my husband, who has always been supportive, and my doctor, we determined that I needed a break to focus on my health and my family, and to decide what to do in the future. I have been feeling burned out. Overwhelmed with shifts in funding and other changes that I could not control, but that nevertheless affected me. I have been feeling torn between being able to provide direct services and being buried in paperwork, that, while important, it can be cumbersome. At the end of the day, I was feeling drained, but not the kind of drain you feel when you accomplish something good. It was a feeling of having been doing a lot and still not having done much. I have always taken pride of having an organized desk, and suddenly my desk was covered with papers and files and reports...I felt defeated. I was losing patience with simple things like emails;

Yes. That is exactly how long it took me to finish Week 1of the 12 week shape up challenge.  I started, very excitedly, and then daily living came into play and of course I got side-tracked. But I came back and was able finish it, so I am focusing on that, on the fact that I finished it, instead of focusing on the two weeks it took to finish week one. Focusing on the good, on my accomplishments is something that does not come easy to me. I generally focus on what I have not done, what still needs to be done, and in the process I miss opportunities to celebrate great things. At work, for example, I am very efficient with my time. I am generally able to finish various tasks without much problem (well, aggravations and barriers, but all of them bearable!). Anybody else would be happy and satisfied with what I get to do in a day. But me? No, I don't do that. I always think that there was something else that I could have done. I tend to think of the 5 other things that are still pendi

I need to start with this picture, because it epitomizes the way I have been feeling lately. That heavy cloud has been following me for a long time already... Yep. Just like Eeyore, I have been feeling like a fat, gray cloud has been following me for a long time, and I don't seem to be able to shake it off. It has been two weeks since I started taking meds, and still, the therapy does not seem to be working. I spoke to my doctor yesterday; like I mentioned before, I am grateful to have a doctor that listens to me and takes my opinion in consideration. At first, she thought that the best course would be to up the dose of Paxil, but upon talking and discussing other factors that I feel have a lot to do with what I am feeling, she agreed that we should look at other options that may alleviate my condition. I won't go into details about that now because I am still working on that, but I am almost certain that this will really provide the relief that I am so craving and that

I did not get to write my blog last week, and this week, I have been struggling for the past hour or so to get to do it. No, it is not that I am lazy; I am just battling with a really bad bout of depression that has given me a good kick in the butt, and that is resisting every attempt I make to shake it up. It all started after my return from vacation. I could not face going back to the work routine after having had such a relaxing and wonderful vacation. But it lingered a bit longer, and things got worse. First were the headaches, then came the anxiety. After this came the lack of energy, not being able to get up in the morning, not wanting to do anything but being a total couch potato, spending hours watching TV, which by itself should have been a sign because those of you that know me personally know that I don't watch TV at all. Then I wanted to sleep all the time, but after a couple of hours of sleep, I would wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to go back to s

I am sorry to report that as of today, I have not started the 12 week shape up challenge. I am still having lots of trouble adjusting to the daily routines. Honestly, it has been the hardest time ever; never have I had such difficulty coming from vacation and picking up where I left off. This time around, however, it has been so, so hard! I have difficulty getting up in the morning and getting ready to go to work; I have no motivation to do so. And when I come home, I am so tired that I just want to take a bath and relax; no energy or intention to workout. I think of all the reasons why I should, but nothing has made me move from my comfy couch to the gym...I figure it will come, sooner or later. Meanwhile, I have been enjoying other things, taking care of other business that are equally important. For example, Amanda, my oldest daughter, is graduating from high school in about two months. Not only that, she is also turning 18 and going to college! I can't believe it; to me, it w

On Monday I came back from a wonderful vacation in my beautiful island of Puerto Rico. There, my husband and I spent ten days enjoying the beach, the weather, and the company of family and friends that were with us at one point or another. We spent some time with our friend Elba Vázquez at Brisas de Cidra Guest House. We went to Naguabo, a beautiful town that we had never been to, saw some of the most amazing sunsets, and had fresh and delicious seafood accompanied by mojitos. We spent some time in San Juan, visiting places we had been with the girls when we went last summer. And then we went to my hometown, Arecibo, where I visited family and friends, and spent some amazing time as well.   Throughout our stay there, we tried to incorporate exercising as much as we could. We did not obsess about it; after all, we were on vacation, and the point was to relax. But we walked quite a bit, used our bands for strength training, and even used the fitness room at one of the hotels. It

And Day 30 got here! It was actually yesterday, and to be totally honest, I do have to make up for some missed days due to life in general and also for being on vacation. But all in all, I was pretty disciplined throughout my 30 for 30 challenge. Once I make up for the lost days, I will be working on a schedule to continue working out consistently at least 4 days a week. Ideally, I would like to continue with the minimum 30 minutes per day, but being realistic, I know that this may not be possible. Whenever I can, I will try to fit it in because, from my point of view, there is something wrong with not being able to dedicate at least 30 minutes per day to myself. But things happen and sometimes it is just impossible, and instead of getting frustrated when I am not able to do so, I would rather work on getting as much time in as possible. I am sure that the discipline I have acquired during the past 30 days will keep me focused. What I have learned One of the most important things