The Rosa Chronicles: The Ups, the Downs, and the Wardrobe Changes

This is the continuation of my previous post. To summarize that post, I related about my severe bout of depression that left me out of commission for a while. I reverted back to old habits and quickly gained weight. I was put on new medications and they worked just fine. My husband had planned a trip to Puerto Rico for the two of us. He knows how the Chicago weather makes me feel, and he thought a couple of days in sunny Puerto Rico, mi patria , would make me feel better. And so we got on the plane and headed to La Isla del Encanto . For the first time we took a night flight to the Island; we generally fly during the day to get some extra time. The flight itself was weird; it seemed like it lasted forever, more than the 4 1/2 hours that takes to get there. At one point I looked at Andrew, who was sitting in the seat across from me, because the plane felt suspended in the air, as if it were not moving. Shortly after, I remember clearly, I asked him about my mom-in-law, with whom we ...

Blogging about my journey to a healthier me helped me a lot - it kept me honest; it made me accountable, and it allowed me to keep track of my progress in a tangible manner. But somehow I stopped doing it and right now it has been well over a year since I last wrote an entry! A lot has happened since then, both good and bad, although I want to think that everything that has happened has been good in a way or another. I believe that there is good even in the most difficult situations. So today, a day that has been especially difficult for me (what the hell, it has been a very difficult couple of weeks, let's be honest!) for reasons which I will explain in due time, I decided to go back to blogging as a way to regain that accountability, but mostly to do something nice for myself. I have a tendency to be really hard on myself; often times I put my needs aside to take care of those of others...and as you may very well know, there is always something else that needs to be done, some...

It has been a while since I last wrote, and a lot has been going on. It would probably take me several blog entries to describe it all, but I will try to summarize it.   So here we go: DrPH program – In this   entry at the beginning of the year, I wrote about applying for a DrPH program. I was very excited and looked forward to being accepted. Well, time kept going by and I did not receive any news, so I finally decided to call and ask. It turns out that I was not accepted into the program. I was one of 130 international applicants for only 15 spots in the program. 130 for 15 spots, imagine! Had I known that was the case, I would have never bothered to apply given the high stakes of being accepted. I was waiting to receive official notification, but since that never came from them, I am making this the official notification that it did not happen. I was a bit down at first, but then I realized that: 1) there were 115 other people out there that were not selected either...

Yes. That is exactly how long it took me to finish Week 1of the 12 week shape up challenge.  I started, very excitedly, and then daily living came into play and of course I got side-tracked. But I came back and was able finish it, so I am focusing on that, on the fact that I finished it, instead of focusing on the two weeks it took to finish week one. Focusing on the good, on my accomplishments is something that does not come easy to me. I generally focus on what I have not done, what still needs to be done, and in the process I miss opportunities to celebrate great things. At work, for example, I am very efficient with my time. I am generally able to finish various tasks without much problem (well, aggravations and barriers, but all of them bearable!). Anybody else would be happy and satisfied with what I get to do in a day. But me? No, I don't do that. I always think that there was something else that I could have done. I tend to think of the 5 other things that are still pendi...

I need to start with this picture, because it epitomizes the way I have been feeling lately. That heavy cloud has been following me for a long time already... Yep. Just like Eeyore, I have been feeling like a fat, gray cloud has been following me for a long time, and I don't seem to be able to shake it off. It has been two weeks since I started taking meds, and still, the therapy does not seem to be working. I spoke to my doctor yesterday; like I mentioned before, I am grateful to have a doctor that listens to me and takes my opinion in consideration. At first, she thought that the best course would be to up the dose of Paxil, but upon talking and discussing other factors that I feel have a lot to do with what I am feeling, she agreed that we should look at other options that may alleviate my condition. I won't go into details about that now because I am still working on that, but I am almost certain that this will really provide the relief that I am so craving and that ...

I did not get to write my blog last week, and this week, I have been struggling for the past hour or so to get to do it. No, it is not that I am lazy; I am just battling with a really bad bout of depression that has given me a good kick in the butt, and that is resisting every attempt I make to shake it up. It all started after my return from vacation. I could not face going back to the work routine after having had such a relaxing and wonderful vacation. But it lingered a bit longer, and things got worse. First were the headaches, then came the anxiety. After this came the lack of energy, not being able to get up in the morning, not wanting to do anything but being a total couch potato, spending hours watching TV, which by itself should have been a sign because those of you that know me personally know that I don't watch TV at all. Then I wanted to sleep all the time, but after a couple of hours of sleep, I would wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to go back to s...