The Rosa Chronicles: The Ups, the Downs, and the Wardrobe Changes

This post is a bit different from my previous ones, but here it goes anyway. For a while now, I have been longing for a place where I can feel connected to a Higher Entity. I had tried a couple of congregations, but had not felt that I was at home. Recently, though, I visited the Second Unitarian Church of Chicago , and I think I have found the right place for us. The first time I was there I was impressed with the warm welcome that members gave me as well as by the very diverse group of people at the church. I was equally impressed with the sermon on that day as it quoted from different sources - the Quran, the Bible, Buddhism, and the message was geared towards growth as an individual person rather than a punitive, "burn in hell" one that often one hears. About three weeks ago, I was there for the Sunday morning service, and when the Reverend began his sermon, I felt as if Andrew had talked to him about my issues and the message was specifically directed to me. You ...

A month. It seems like only yesterday that I stared my leave of absence from work to focus on my mental and physical health and to sort out my plans for my future. But a month has already gone by, way too fast. Things did not necessarily work out the way I had envisioned them, but they worked out all right. When planning for my leave, I had envisioned waking up in the mornings, running in the park in the mornings, spend time at home cleaning, reorganizing things around the house, having dinner ready for my family when they got home, and spending time at the park reading the many books that called for my attention. It was idyllic; I should have known better. The three of us on our respective grammar school graduations. I was conscious of my daughters' upcoming graduations (Amanda graduated from 12th grade and Ileana from 8th grade), but I was not conscious that it was going to take such a big amount of time and energy. So while I did get to do some of the things I had envisio...

This week, on Monday, I started my leave from CALOR, the organization I founded, after 21 years of uninterrupted services. After consulting with my husband, who has always been supportive, and my doctor, we determined that I needed a break to focus on my health and my family, and to decide what to do in the future. I have been feeling burned out. Overwhelmed with shifts in funding and other changes that I could not control, but that nevertheless affected me. I have been feeling torn between being able to provide direct services and being buried in paperwork, that, while important, it can be cumbersome. At the end of the day, I was feeling drained, but not the kind of drain you feel when you accomplish something good. It was a feeling of having been doing a lot and still not having done much. I have always taken pride of having an organized desk, and suddenly my desk was covered with papers and files and reports...I felt defeated. I was losing patience with simple things like emails; ...

I need to start with this picture, because it epitomizes the way I have been feeling lately. That heavy cloud has been following me for a long time already... Yep. Just like Eeyore, I have been feeling like a fat, gray cloud has been following me for a long time, and I don't seem to be able to shake it off. It has been two weeks since I started taking meds, and still, the therapy does not seem to be working. I spoke to my doctor yesterday; like I mentioned before, I am grateful to have a doctor that listens to me and takes my opinion in consideration. At first, she thought that the best course would be to up the dose of Paxil, but upon talking and discussing other factors that I feel have a lot to do with what I am feeling, she agreed that we should look at other options that may alleviate my condition. I won't go into details about that now because I am still working on that, but I am almost certain that this will really provide the relief that I am so craving and that ...

I did not get to write my blog last week, and this week, I have been struggling for the past hour or so to get to do it. No, it is not that I am lazy; I am just battling with a really bad bout of depression that has given me a good kick in the butt, and that is resisting every attempt I make to shake it up. It all started after my return from vacation. I could not face going back to the work routine after having had such a relaxing and wonderful vacation. But it lingered a bit longer, and things got worse. First were the headaches, then came the anxiety. After this came the lack of energy, not being able to get up in the morning, not wanting to do anything but being a total couch potato, spending hours watching TV, which by itself should have been a sign because those of you that know me personally know that I don't watch TV at all. Then I wanted to sleep all the time, but after a couple of hours of sleep, I would wake up in the middle of the night and not be able to go back to s...

As things generally go, particularly when you are determined to make changes, things today did not turn out the way I had planned them. My intention was to spend a little bit of time at work, just to complete some essential tasks, and then attack that 10-item "To Do" list that I created during my anxiety attack last night. Afterwards, I was planning to come back home and spend some time with my girls; we still have some gifts to buy for our  Tres Reyes  celebration this coming Sunday. Ideal, isn't it? But no! Things did not go as planned. As it turns out, for reasons beyond my control, I was kept at work for at least two more hours than what I had planned. I was furious, and had a hard time keeping my emotions in control. Hey! I had carefully planned the day and now it had been disrupted! Never mind that while waiting, I responded to other important emails, and returned a couple of phone calls. No. As it is common with the Super-Woman Complex, I could not focus on my ...